Withdrawn: Prequel to Reckless Abandonment

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

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  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

  Withdrawn

  Copyright 2017, K. Pinson

  Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Ariana’s POV

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  This is for you.

  The one who is struggling in silence.

  The one who is yelling so loudly for help they lose their voice.

  The one who feels as if it will never get better.

  The one who does everything possible to numb their pain.

  The one who watches someone they love, lose their self completely.

  For everyone, that needs someone.

  You are not alone.

  You have me.

  I will love you through it.

  Prologue

  My day had started like any other but things felt much different. Newfound confidence helped me get through my days even with the anxiety pouring through my veins. I lived in a dark mental place which she illuminated every time she was near. Of course, I could never tell her. The weight of pressure wasn’t something she dealt with well. In fact, relationships were not her forte. I tried to understand where she was coming from, I know some about her past though she never really wants to talk about it with me, but my feelings are very strong for her and the selfish part of me just wants reciprocation. Even if that means cutting herself open at the vein and pouring all the bad out so she can let me in. This girl had been through so many things that I could never dream possible. Had I known she endured that abuse, I would have murdered her mother myself.

  I grew up at Happy Endings Resort. I hated every moment, knowing that I was never meant to spend the first part of my life there. My family lived in an enormous and beautiful house until I was eight years old. That year my father unexpectedly passed away in a car accident. We didn’t have any savings and all the life insurance went to securing a new vehicle and paying for his funeral expenses. My mom could not afford to keep us living the same lifestyle, even with her working two jobs. Soon after life forced us to move into Happy Endings. It ended up being one of the most important pathways in my life, leading me directly to her. Though I could not have foreseen the future then. I’m thankful for it now. Growing up alongside two girls who didn’t have life easy for them helped to mold me into the man I am today. I learned to appreciate things that others didn’t have and especially those who I cared about. I began to cherish the women in my life, even when that wasn’t always best for me. People may take you for granted, but it doesn’t mean you should stop trying. Never give up loving.

  I walk out of my trailer knowing that I won’t be back here for some time if only to visit my mom. Excitement for school has me completely lost in thought. My acceptance letter from The Art Institute arrived a few weeks back, and ever since I’ve felt nothing but bittersweet confusion. I knew that attending the art school was the best thing for me, however, I am frightened at the possibility of leaving her behind. Leaving them behind.

  I shut my conscience down.

  This day is too important to let any sadness seep through. Hope filters in and I can’t help but smile. I’m going to ask her if she will go with me. I turn around realizing I walked past my bike. I jump on my motorcycle and take off towards the town’s tattoo parlor.

  This girl has always been a walking contradiction. From the confident air about her to the way she snarks at everyone. When internally, I know she’s drowning. She doesn’t let many in to see that side of herself though. Always keeping a calm and collected demeanor, while dying inside. Even her appearance is off-putting to some. Tattoos cover almost every inch of her body but she still has hair the very same cut and color since high school, keeping it all natural. She wears minimal makeup but there is still something dark and smoky about her eyes. She is beautiful in every single way but doesn’t know it. Her beauty sneaks up on you because she doesn’t allow herself to be the center of attention, but it packs such a force that you’re knocked completely off your feet. At least, that’s what happened to me.

  My legs propel me, steadily making my way to the door. I can hear the music blasting and see her dancing around inside. I love her new sense of freedom, no longer bound by the chains of her past. She’s wearing ripped black jean shorts and a black crop top. Her lean body on display. I love when she wears her dark hair like this, piled on top of her head and messy, effortlessly gorgeous. I want nothing more than to wrap my hands around it and pull it down so I can run through the length of it with my fingertips. I sneak in, hoping she doesn’t hear the doorbell go off over the music. If she did, she doesn’t turn around. I saunter over to where she’s shaking her hips to the music, her back to me. I grab her around the waist and she melts against my chest, her body molding into mine perfectly. It is only recent that she doesn’t shy away from my touch. When I first tried that, she nearly jumped out of her skin. The thought of it immediately pisses me off again and I tense. The situations she has faced through her life that turned her hard and cold, unwelcoming to another human touch, twists my gut in a knot. She turns around in my arms and studies me. Her scrutinization used to make me feel self-conscious but now I revel in it. I like when she looks at me, really looks, right into my depths.

  “Mornin’.” She whispers, bringing her lips gently to mine. She holds me captive.

  Everything with her feels so natural and it’s hard to believe that we’ve gotten so close in the span of a few months. Sure, we’ve known each other since we were young. But our relationship is much different now than it was then. It didn’t help that I chased after her sister for years.

  “Hey Princess,” I whisper against her lips. She hates when I call her any type of pet names so I switch them up all the time. Whatever comes to mind that day, I just go with it.

  She pulls back with a grin on her face.

  “Ass.” She laughs and it’s a sound I want to hear more of.

  “Your ass,” I respond with a grin.

  We haven’t made anything official and this is the longest she’s let me hold her since we first realized our attraction for each other. She’s so different from other girls in many ways. There are parts of me that want to treat her like she’s made from glass and though she may shy away from my touch, I know she’s by no means fragile. She’s been through hell but doesn’t ever complain about it. She just keeps moving forward. I aspire to live my life the way she lives hers. I want my love to fill all the cracks in her hard exterior. I don’t want to change her or fix her, she’s perfect in every way. But I want to allow her to let go. I want her to get lost in me the same way I’m lost in her.

  “What do you say about closing down the shop today and just spending some time together?” she asks timidly.

  Like I could turn down an offer like that. The breath I’ve been holding in expels quietly and I feel like a weight lifts from my shoulders.

  “You better call Cyber and tell him not to come in today. I don’t want any interruptions.”

  Closing my eyes, I send a silent prayer up that today is the
day she finally lets me in fully. That will make my question much easier. I know it is soon for us but when you know, you know. I just hope she feels the same way I do.

  She grabs her cell from the front desk and makes the call. He let her know he only had one client today anyway and was more than happy to take a day off. I lock the door and leave the sign where it lay in the closed position. We head upstairs to the apartment she has above the shop. Her boss lets her stay here for cheap. She’s one of the best tattoo artists in the area so he would probably let her stay for free if she would allow that. But she’s filled with chest swelling pride. I’ve been up here a time or two to hang out but usually with our group of friends. It has never been just us but for more than a few moments.

  The minute the door closes and our shoes are off, she turns around and wraps her arms around my neck. It is as if the world fades away and we are in our own dimension. Nobody here but us.

  “Hi,” I whisper into an already quiet room.

  She smiles, it creeps up, reaching all the way to her hazel eyes. Instantly my lips meet hers and every bit of feeling I have is exuding out. I need her to know how amazing she is. We break apart and I instantly feel the loss.

  “I need you so much closer.”

  Those words send me into overdrive. They resonate within me because I feel it too. The need for my body to touch hers, for our hearts to beat together. To feel her shaky breath and her cracking exterior. The want for her to fall apart underneath me. The need for completion. I yearn for us to complete each other.

  Grabbing her leg and pulling it up to my waist, the other one naturally following suit as she wraps them around me. Her hair finds its way into my hand and I pull it down from its entrapment, throwing the ponytail holder to the ground. Laughing, she shakes her head from side to side like a shampoo commercial. My current reality is better than any fantasy. I walk us into her living room and place her gently on the ground. Trying to navigate to the bedroom just seems out of reach, I’m lost in her. Brain fog is real. Capturing her lips once more in a chaste kiss before parting to consider her eyes. The impending storm lies behind them and I can’t be sure where her head is at. As much as I want to rush, I'm her anchor. I need to keep her here, in this moment, instead of losing myself and potentially her as well. Slowing things down, I sit up and gently stroke her hair. The look of it splayed against her white carpet, stark in contrast, does something to me.

  “Come back to me,” I say with conviction.

  This intense vulnerability isn’t a card I want to show when she needs me as her show of strength. I can tell that this type of closeness is a huge step for her, a moment that I don’t want to get lost in the shuffle of all my feelings.

  “I’m here Cohen. Just taking you all in.” She lifts her body from the floor and leans back on her elbows, looking me up and down. My soul catches fire. This girl has ignited a passion in me. My only hope is that we don't get burned. But if that’s the case, then so be it. I’ll melt for her.

  “I actually need to talk to you about something before we do this.” Nerves strike me and I figure now is as good of a time as any. She giggles and it takes me down a peg or two. “And just what are you laughing about?” I fake pout.

  “I just think it’s cute how you assume that anything is going to happen between us today,” She quips. Ah, there’s the smart-ass I’ve come to know and love.

  “Well, I just thought you damn near begging me was an indication, “I wink.

  She reaches up to playfully smack my arm but I catch her hand in mine, bringing it to my lips to kiss. Lifting myself up first and gently pulling her with me, I find my way to the couch and take a seat. Probably best that we get out of our compromising place for this conversation. She just continues to laugh.

  “This is a serious moment Ari.” I scowl at her but she knows I can never actually be serious. She motions to her lips in a turning the key fashion, faking throwing it away. “Thank you,” I nod. “Now back to what I wanted to talk to you about. So, as you know…I’ve been subtly mentioning going to school.”

  “Yeah at the community college, right? I hear they have some amazing professors there. I thought about potentially taking a few classes with you.” She responds.

  “Well actually…I got accepted into art school.”

  “Wow,” she murmurs, but her smile grows. “That’s amazing! I am so happy for you Cohen!” She looks genuinely happy but there is just a hint of sadness I see lurking.

  “It’s a couple hours away…so I just thought…maybe you’d like to come with me? With your talent, you can find work anywhere.” My usual confident self is fading and someone different stands in his place. For the first time in a long while, I’m unsure of myself. Nerves taking over. Her smile fades and she looks like she is thinking extra hard about what I’ve just asked her.

  “Uhm…really?” She asks quietly. Her eyes are downcast and she’s looking at her hands in her lap.

  “Yes. I know it’s sudden. I don’t want to push you because I know that it won’t be an easy transition for you, but I need you with me.”

  I grab her chin, tilt it up until her eyes meet mine. I give her some added reassurance with one of my best smiles. I know long distance relationships don’t typically work but I’ll always be her friend. The smile she gives me back melts my heart in a way I haven't felt in a long time. I think there is something said about someone who saves all her smiles for me.

  “When do we leave?” she asks and the world stops turning. My excitement is sky rocketed.

  “Really?” I probably sound like a damn fool.

  “Are you changing your mind already?” Her voice hints at a giggle.

  “Never.” In this moment, I mean it. She leans over, kisses me and all the awkwardness dissipates. Instead of more words, I decide to show her my feelings through music. I turn on You and Me by Lifehouse using my cell phone, setting it on the couch between us. Grabbing her hand, I stand and pull her gently with me. Wrapping her in my arms, I slowly begin to dance. Spinning us around like we are dancing in a great hall. Her head on my chest, hopefully feeling how fast my heart beats for her and everything is perfect.

  When the song comes to an end and fades into another one, she steps away and picks up my cell phone. Saying nothing she walks away, into a hallway and leading us into the darkness. Following her isn’t even a second thought in my mind, I do so aimlessly. When we reach what I can only assume is her bedroom, with its black walls and red accents, she abandons the phone in an armchair that sits against the wall closest to the door. Without turning around, me just a small reach away behind her, she pulls her shirt from over her head and leaves it on the floor. Next, comes her bra and then her bottoms. Completely still, I stand. Afraid that if I even breathe, this dream will be gone and I’ll wake up. She looks over her shoulder at me, hair haloed around her face, so beautiful. The darkness I’ve always found in her eyes is gone and in its place, is something I never thought I’d see from her, innocence.

  Willing my feet to move in her direction and with a deep breath, I arrive. easily taking her into my arms like we’ve done this a thousand times before. Everything about it feels natural. She instantly gasps at my invasion of her space. The closer I get, the more I notice all the out-of-place markings on her. Buried within her intricate tattoo designs but still visible. When I begin to touch her raised skin, she grabs my hand to halt my movement.

  “Please go slow.”

  She prods me. I didn’t intend on doing anything but that. I want to savor every bit of this moment. I nod and move my hands to the back of her head, wrapping my fingers around her hair and grasping. My feet move, meanwhile my brain shuts off until her legs hit the bed and she falls on top of it. Letting go of her, only to lift my shirt above my head and remove my jeans. Desperation exudes from her eyes, she lifts her hips from the bed and grabs her panties, pulling them down and tossing them to the side. My entire body feels like it's on fire. Without saying a word, I point to the pillows on the far end o
f her bed. She gets the message instantly and scoots her body up until her head is resting on them. I crawl on the bed after her. Finding her skin beneath my palm, I lightly caress down the length of her torso. She closes her eyes tensely. Lifting my hand to her cheek, I cup it in my hand. Leaning down I gently kiss her.

  “Look at me,” I whisper against her lips. She opens her eyes, sighing. “I need to see you let go.” A hint of a smile graces her lips and that’s all I need as permission to keep exploring her.

  Her body is truly a work of art. I'm in awe with the beautiful tattoos across every inch of the chest, angry lines visible underneath. Jagged edged reminders of what a shitty life she had to overcome. Visible proof of why loving her was easy in the same way she was strong. Starting small, I lean down and kiss a circle shaped scar right on her collarbone.

  “Cigarette burn for being worthless.” I cringe at the truth in her words. They hurt me but not any more than they hurt her. No words seem fitting so I move to the next scar. A thin line transcends across her chest, about five inches in length. I pepper kisses down it, considering her eyes the entire time. A small tear makes its way down her cheek but her face remains impassive.

  “Broken glass for being lazy.” Something urges me to continue even though I’m shattering before her eyes. I avoid several similar looking scars until I find the meanest one of all on her abdomen. Tons of tiny lines, not directly touching but all in the same area, creating mass chaos. I gently kiss every inch of her skin there.

  “Self-inflicted to feel anything other than what I was.” When my eyes reach hers, she looks ashamed. I don’t want her to feel that way.

  “I can’t even imagine dealing with all the pain that you went through. There is no judgment from me on how you chose to escape your own thoughts. I’m just glad you didn’t hurt yourself so badly that you’re no longer here with us, with me. Please promise me that if you get into that place again, you’ll reach for me. I won’t let you fall.”